So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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