Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
