I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
