just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
