he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
