Don't you send me to vm
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
