well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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