If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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