My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize