Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
