oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize