I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I faked an abortion last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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