The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
