help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
