I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
