i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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