oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
