i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
