I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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