I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
