I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
