ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
