i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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