Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize