i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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