fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
