He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
