dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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