I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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