I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just tell him i said nine months
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize