i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We need to get me chipped asap
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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