wat bout pragnant strippers??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
