Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize