i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
