i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
