fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
