i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
