I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
