I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Damn victory sex feels great
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
