dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
