Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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