My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize