just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
