I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
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