I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
