do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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