i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
