This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This is classic penis vs brain.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
