I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
