I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize