do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
