Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
