All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
