i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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