just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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