im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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