i love accidental penises.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
