Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
