haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
