take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
