It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
