I think i peed on brittanys purse
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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