he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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