Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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