I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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