So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
