If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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