yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
