I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize