Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
did i just pee glitter
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
