I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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