I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
