I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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