There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
